I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
