remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
