I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
