Her vagina should come with caution tape.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
