Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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