There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
