Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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