i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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