So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize