Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
