You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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