Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
