If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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