my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
