just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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