i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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