You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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