She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Randomize
