If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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