I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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