Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
