I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
