Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My penis needs a shock collar
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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