Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
