I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
