I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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