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she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
