you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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