I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize