Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's blow job season.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Congratulations! We have a period
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
