boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
