You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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