They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
