I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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