yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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