I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
