Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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