Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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