well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.