I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.