sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.