God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.