I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.