why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
