So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
