More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
