my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
