My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
