my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
