Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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