new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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