is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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