I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
