Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
