so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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