My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
