I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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