New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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