If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
