I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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