why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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