I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
